Waves of Smoke

It burned with a fatal amber effervescence
and gave a spooky look
lights were sleeping and the silence was troubling
it kept burning n walking
on solitary roads going nowhere
turning at pungent ends.
Life was still and lifeless
Screams were hushed
And it kept burning n walking
Waves of smoke …..
Swivelled with the stroke of pendulum
Made clandestine caves in the walls of night
It kept burning and walking
And got lost in them…

it’s just a strand!!

The strand was twisting n curling just slightly away from my face

Everytime it touches me a sickening , burning, pleasurable feeling etches across

The wind was throwing it up again n again

And  with every ebb it was trying to reach me  ,

Sometimes succeeding sometimes not…

And every time I hope it just won’t…

But its there, still there, mocking , ridiculing, piercing…

Just a strand of hair, twisting n curling,

I couldn’t lift my hand to push it back…

M I enjoying this..may be!! May be not!

…………………………………………………

This time if it will reach me I will rip it..

I thnk it has understood, now it won’t …

It has relaxed and I m glad…

I m feeling nothing now…

Nothing!!

Nothing….

Apparition!!

I know I m not normal!!

HA!! Normal what does that mean!!

I become sick with a human presence around me… I can’t work…

I can’t breathe…  I m stiffled…

A shadow lurking , what if she comes to know I m not normal…

What if they come to know I m not normal…

I m scared… far enough to speak…

My lips fixed by some invisible glue

I want to scream n shout but can’t…

Hands are trembling , like a new born

Music flowing engulfing me in a whirlpool …

Over me …I m in it..

Tears are suspended like water droplets in the air..

Waiting to pour n drain fall …

Nowhere …where…

Whirlpool

Float

Silence

Stop!!

i m a loner, i m a lover

i m a loner, i m a lover

i m bored, i m a lover

i m a narcissist, i m a lover

i m creative, i m a lover

i m depressed, i m a lover

i m an artist, i m a lover

i m a man, i m a lover

i m a woman, i m a lover

i m desperate, i m a lover

i m crazy, i m a lover

reasons for love, excuses to love

to a lover, with love

from a lover

Run!!

I want to run!! run forward and run away!!

i want to fly!! but don’t know where and why!!

i wish to achieve , how!!

i m m strangulated by someone, i don’t knw

i want to run !! run back run forward run away!!

take me high take me light take me in take me out!

i wana fall from the skies, into the skies,

feeling numb, feeling mum!! feeling hum!!

blown afar to distant world i m blue i m pale  i m pink i m purple

i want to run

run back, run forward, run away

i m growing towards oblivion with more and more  light

i m heavy cant move…

my hands workng mind crazy

and heart empty to fill anything

pain, sorrow, happiness, grief

i want you i dn’t know if that’s true….

i want myself dn’t knw when

i wana run…..

run run run run run run run run!!

i want to breathe in doom….

i wana run…

couldn’t breathe….

fly

couldn’t breathe

feel …even i dnt knw what…

grow…don’t know where

push…don’t know whom….

kill… i dnt knw why

let it be…. but can’t….

run run run run run run run!!!!!!!

Free Hand

After seeing a lot of male Gods thought of painting a female one…So this is my interpretation of “Female Buddha”.
Painted a friend’s house wall one day and realised that it has been long time that i have picked up the brush and painted for myself… done a series of paintings after that in different mediums…pencil shading and sketching, water colours on sheets and now this is the latest one – water clours on canvas…
A human mind is full of surprises…and mine shocks me every time I set on a new territory… a day before a friend asked me about my forte, whether its dancing, acting, choreographing, writing or painting…. I said I m still struggling with it…May be all of them are or may be they are just the stepping stones of self-exploration…..But one thing i know about myself that Spontaneity is sure shot a gift… I have never performed on stage with pre-constructed steps…I cannot paint with a pre conceived notion…. and yes i have never lived with pre-conceived thoughts… whenever I had done that I failed… I guess, as of now, thinking upon a graph and idea and getting on to it is my forte ….

I want to try and experiment with everything in life…
I want to do everything which I m capable of doing….
Rest I have left to destiny… Lets me see how far i can go……

The Landscape Buddha

sat, 20th sept.

I m in Bombay..Shifted here on Tuesday..Still coming to terms with the fact that I have come to a place, which is made known, in the books as maximum city; in business newspapers as a city of stock exchange and in the films as city of dreams.  Each night I sleep without knowing what will I do tomorrow. Each moment I think how to spend the next one. Never in my life I have lived my present so fully. I m a narcissist and that makes me optimistic.

A pigeon sits on the window, every time my room partner shoos it away, it returns to the place. Swimming pool in the opposite building appears to me like a crystal blue carpet of water with shining threads. Far right are the mangroves and above them the open sky. A perfect view, seeing which, I wake up every morning.

I m without work right now but I m with hope and self belief.  Whatever decisions, whether good or bad, I have taken in my life till now were my own. And today I feel happy I took them.  I m writing this post so that few years later when I will be Somebody, I could read this n reminisce what I felt  when I took the plunge.

I m a narcissist and that makes me optimistic J

feminism or humanism

This was the article written by me long back. It got published in Hindustan Times e-paper. It will give you some insight about feminism and will break some myths. It will also put some light on the stringent conventional structure of the society which asks men and women to behave in a certain pattern. For more visit the link:
URL :         
Why feminism is not such a frightful word
http://www.hindustantimes.com/StoryPage/StoryPage.aspx?id=f0995bdb-0ade-48c5-bfa8-6242f9998b4f
 

today

Sunday…I slept at 5a.m woke up at 2p.m….got a good news of a new project that I was waiting for…a plan with friends was made to see a movie…by 4.45 I was in the movie hall watching the new release “Jannat”. Another Bhatt flick, much in the news because of the onscreen kisses….however thanks to the censor board “generosity”, there were few of them left to be seen….without going into the debate of whether censor board should exist or not, I would like to say that I enjoyed the film….after a long time I enjoyed a movie on the silver screen….I don’t know why because there was nothing extraordinary in it..Still, it made me think and feel and that’s what I liked in it….how a woman, transforms and influences a man’s life even while staying submissive…she is meek but not weak…a woman who has the strength to change the life of the man in her life….the age old wine in a new bottle but appeals and tastes good as it is still wine….

On our way back a friend played A.R Rehaman’s cd….rehman is one of my favourite music directors…it was literally music to my ears….”tu bin bataye” the track from Rang de Basanti, made me cherish …

The day was fun…I m more than happy for the past few days… after long span of years, I m happy…having a strange feeling of happiness…I want to jump…fly…dance…travel…see the world…tell the world…I m happy…. I won’t say that everything is still fine…but I m feeling free…I don’t know because of what…but I m feeling free…I want to stay like this forever…I want to rejoice even when everything is not alright…I want to find solutions and if there aren’t any, I want to move on………………..